Its 4:00 a.m. I think and im super-deduper annoyed. Blake didtched our sleepover that we've beenn planning for a week now.. Which just.. Ugh. Second time in a row hes broken plans with me... This time he didnt even bother showing up..:/ sigh. He keeps telling me hes going to make It up to me.. But pray-tell good sir.. How do you make up hurting a girls feelings? Twice.
I can answer that for you.
You can't.
He drives me insane..
Everyone is telling me to stick with him because he DOES have feelings for me..
BUT I honestly havent really seen any proof of these so called feelings.
god help me.

Diary Entry # 2.5 : I Hate My Family...So Fucking Much

These are the pictures from the "Abby" photoshoot.

Diary Entry #2: I Hate My Family

This week has sucked so far. And I'm praying that It gets better. Yes, I did say pray. I do believe in god. I'm a christian. But that's a completley different story... Lets save it for another day, a cold rainy day.

Anyway, this week... Its been horrible.

Friday night my friend Abby came over because I havent seen her in awhile since she dropped out of school. So she came over and we decided to do a photoshoot. Mainly because she wanted a new profile picture and she's always seen my infamous pictures around the internet and we just never had time to have a photoshoot together. So we figured, now would be perfect.

I was feeling depressed and I had been doing 'object shoots' all day. Mostly blood and gore shoots, because of my depressed state. So the photoshoot we planned was ofcourse blood and gore.

So we started the shoot, using food as blood.

Creative huh? Thats probablly one of the only things I really love about myself.. I get these great ideas and I actually do them.

Anywho... We went through with the shoot. We used a white porcelin bathtub and everything. The shoots came out amazing, trust me. Ill even post them here. But.....

Then my mother came home.. To discover I was in the middle of a gorey photoshoot with Abby in the white tub. Little was she suprised but that didnt stop the screams from ripping out of her over lipsticked' mouth. I really didn't mean for her to see the mess... Oh.. And I do mean mess..

Have you ever spilt a jar of tomato sauce when making a home-made pizza?

Try spilling... Oh.. say.. 5-6 jars of them in a white shinny bathtub plus an entire extra-large bottle of ketchup, 3 cans of tomato juice... yikes. it.. was messy.

But I meant to clean it up before she got home.. But she came home earlier than expected:\

UGH. But... I couldnt believe the things she was saying infront of Abby.. They were rude and just.. not right, it was something that she should have saved for behind closed doors!
Not infront of a friend.

Then she goes and yells at Abby.. It wasnt right.

But even more.. ..Unbelievable..
She goes and tells me she hates my artwork
The stuff that I express myself with
My bloody.. Gorey.. Horror-Maccabre Artwork...
My own mother cant stand to look at.

Thats great.
I love to hear that.

Then the next sentence...

"Get out of my house"

....That was my friday night.

Entry #1: Suffocation-Through-Mind-Fuckage

Honestly? I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind... In my own thoughts. I feel so lost, like I'm suffocating in my head and I can't breathe because my thoughts are so thick.. Heavy.. Cloudy... Driving my blood cold.. I feel like I'm trying to beathe underwater, trying to breathe air thats so thick with lies and hate.. But my lungs refuse to let this air in... And I feel my chest swell in pain. I feel the world around me go black. I can't focus on anything.. But at the same time I'm focusing on everything...

I felt like everything around me was falling in on itself..

Just some things i thought the world would be interested in.

Ms. Pyscho is very into art, and she does it alot... These are just some of her older peices she took pictures of... Pyscho-delic.. Huh?